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Yes, your teacher. [while putting baby Matilda in the sink to rinse away spinach] And remember to be extremely careful. And so it was, they decided to perform the most dangerous feat ever known to man! My daddy says I'm his special little soldier. BIG KID [TAMIKA] I didn't, I was on the garage roof. Do you think I altered my intended elevation? Michael: Like Romeo and Juliet, Miracle! MISS HONEY is browsing the stacks. See how my trophies gleam in the sunlight? MR WORMWOOD Matilda, 4 Years: If you're stuck in your story and want to get out, Every new life You're a liar and a scoundrel, and your father's a liar and a cheat, one of the most corrupt lowlifes in the history of civilization! Standing outside the principal's office like a little girl. Look at you hesitating. Any children who object will go straight into the Chokey together! Does that mean I can get that new TV? Calculate this! It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist. They're all mistakes, children! This living 'eLl. the Acrobat's sister, a frightening woman who used to be an Olympic-class hammer-thrower, who loved nothing better than to scare the children of the town. An exception. "I don't have any muggle money, but I do have a sickle and two knuts.". Or - or say you were sued for selling a faulty car. Hey, dip face. Matilda : I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. DOCTOR MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO What is this, a hot tub party? Yes, sir. MISS TRUNCHBULL Okay, my boy, heir to the throne, today we diddle the customer. "Bambinatum est magitum." What am I gonna do? Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Quite the contrary. Come on, move you piece of junkyard fodder! Ow! "The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. MISS TRUNCHBULL MISS TRUNCHBULL takes BRUCE by the wrist and leads him off the front of the stage. . Agatha Trunchbull: MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST The police decided he killed himself. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X. What do you think might be the cause of this? OLDER KIDS Isn't there some more? What have I told you about wearing pigtails? BRUCE wilts by the desk. Now, do any of you know any of your two times tables? . What do you think it took to become English Hammer Throwing Champion 1969? The BIG KIDS and CHILDREN take up various positions around the stage and audience, pointing in every which way. Looks are more important than books. We can have our cake and it it too! Michael chokes the carrot]. I'm the best! Jul 25, - Barney Stinson's Harry Potter pick up lines. Oh, no, it's a lovely book. Yes. Only when they deserved it, of course. | Five times two is ten. She's going to be your teacher. front bottom. It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. Harry Wormwood: To survive this mess by Being a prince or a princess. Could I speak to you for a moment, please? With every swallow, you are tightening the noose. Oh! "A contract was signed to perform this feat, and perform this feat you shall! I told you I was supposed to start school in September. We cannot simply place her in the top form with the eleven-year-olds. Matilda : You're very brave, Miss Honey. But my mummy likes them! . . Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. Once upon a time, the two greatest circus performers in the world an escapologist who could escape from any lock that was ever invented, and an acrobat who was so skilled it seemed as if she could actually fly fell in love, and got married. I slave all day, and you're entertaining a couple of surfer dude bodybuilders! | Share this Matilda : I love it here! MR WORMWOOD BRUCE Oh, my good Lord. When I left my home, Aunt Trunchbull's home, I had to leave all my treasures behind. MISS TRUNCHBULL Two, three, four. [to Michael, who is choking on a carrot Matilida shot at his mouth with her powers] And . It's from the library! He surely can't! Yes! Harry Wormwood: MATILDA THE MUSICAL. She starts the video screens playing again. Get out of it! I didn't do it. Now, eat it. It's your father who's going to federal prison. You'd better hide! Are you ready to get STICKY with MICKEY? The most common thing in life is life . Auuurrrgh! You're not a little girl. I'm not crying because it's sad. My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie-hole. I stole the cake. [He slides down on his thighs stage left.]. MRS WORMWOOD Agatha Trunchbull: it isn't fair! MISS HONEY Sit down. And you may sit and read while I teach the others, and, well, if you have any questions, I shall do my best to answer them. MRS WORMWOOD MISS HONEY MRS PHELPS enters. It's just a door. Bruce Bogtrotter: In the world of lame pick-up lines, corny phrases, and straight-out catcalling, there's one form of getting noticed that's neither flimsy nor stupid. Children are maggots! You're the spitting image. How far can you go? Agatha Trunchbull: MATILDA We don't want to burst a blood vessel on your first day. MISS TRUNCHBULL grimaces as the purple spotlight leaves her. What car? [She throws the baton across the stage, does a jet to catch it, and points her finger at MISS HONEY.] I will get you like you got me. Well, I suppose your mother will be waiting for you. [He throws the cigarette into the audience.] google_color_link="000000"; LAVENDER Glad I never was one. Harry Wormwood: You seem to think that people like people what are clever. Oh, er, hello. I don't want another one. Mrs Phelps? So, Matilda. I'll be watching you, each and every one. [everyone in the room except Miss Trunchbull and Miss Honey join in]. Why, why, why, why, why, why, why? You what? I want you around here now with another car! MATILDA The fibers fused to my hair! No excuse, Bruce. Goofs . Trunchbull: You gotta be loud! [insulted] I? This one was mine. Sorry, Miss Trunchbull. her knickers stayed stuck to the seat! Harry Wormwood: Bruce Bogtrotter: COUPLE 3 A curtain is wheeled in with the words "5 YEARS AGO" painted on it. Trunchbull: Creep on back to that library of yours or something. and I shan't be talking to you for the rest of the evening, you horrid little man! MRS PHELPS Are you going to tell me a story or not? MR WORMWOOD She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers. Yes. Maryn Liles Feb 17, 2023 It's no lie that online dating. MRS WORMWOOD puts a number on RUDOLPHO's back as though they are competing in a dancing competition. Opening lines from children's books to capture new readers, to inspire writers, to reminisce with old favourites. The Wormwoods laugh. Every day starts with the tick of a clock. DOCTOR As of now, that's 1 line for each agent currently in the game. MATILDA And . MRS WORMWOOD What are you looking at? 1. Ten! Before my happy days were Over, 'Cause your life as you know it is "aitcH"-ent history. a contract. [His stomach growls.] MR WORMWOOD MR WORMWOODOh, my good Lord. 4 0 obj And when you scream, you don't know if the sound came out, Ha, ha, ha, ha Harry Wormwood: Just so you all know, she's my best friend! That such frequent miracles don't render each one un-miraculous? MATILDA 2. Just knock on the door . . Mum says I'm a good case for population control. You're off to school in a few days' time. And I'm very sorry . But Matilda can calculate complicated figures in her head in an instant! I'd love to meet her, actually . With a little help from us, she could go to university before she . [bends down] Good-bye, Mrs Phelps. 2 0 obj MATILDA's classmates enter hesitantly from the front of the stage. Jenny: I told them, I said, "Hey. MRS WORMWOOD There's, erm . You're going to hug all the air out of me. He'd call me bumblebee. I didn't go to college. I'll come in there and pound your miserable hide! Anyone with a good sense of humor will appreciate them. No "buts". MISS HONEYbeckons MATILDA to the back of the class. I warn you, sir, I want a tight car, because I run a tight ship. The woman from COUPLE 1 blows on a birthday cake as the table splits in two and MATILDA stands from behind it, holding a collection of books from one hand. Agatha Trunchbull. [suspicious] Mum, would you like to hear a story? You're a Wormwood, you start acting like one! I have the adoption papers. . One day when I'm older, I shall pound you. I swear, I won't take our love for granite. I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away. [sees a painting of Ms. Trunchbull] You don't need happiness or self-esteem. NIGEL lies down on the ground. Matilda: We never thought it was possible, Now, the secret to my success in business is . A purple spotlight starts to make its way from Bruce across the classroom. They line up at the back of the stage. Oh, yes, she's definitely advanced! No! Trunchbull: I don't want any, thank you. . After your first day of school! BIG KIDS and CHILDREN endobj "I'm right and you're wrong, I'm big and you're small, and there's nothing you can do about it.". [She stands and approaches MISS HONEY menacingly, towering over her.] . MR WORMWOOD You gotta give yourself permission to shine. From offstage, MISS TRUNCHBULL blows on her whistle. Why? She says if I'm keen, I have to cut down on the cream, Yes! Dinner time is family time. Angrily, MISS TRUNCHBULL looks from NIGEL to MATILDA and back. In . %PDF-1.5 BIG KIDS enter menacingly behind the gate. That's the bananas right there. Sing, Jenny! Can you spell? Agatha Trunchbull: Hello! . An audience cheers. Her mind is incredible. MISS TRUNCHBULL MAN: So hilarious. FBI Agent Bill: 2022 | Maturity Rating: PG | 1h 56m | Kids & Family Movies. The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS take off their blazers and throw them on top of him. They dance to the same routine until MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO overtake them with more complicated choreography. Haven't I just told you that she is a gangster? ACROBAT [off-stage] I mean, take a look at you and me. [accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water] Leave it alone, Jenny. Narrator: This is one of the most beautiful children I've ever seen. Lovekins, where's my breakfast? You'll be punished so severely if you step out of line. [pointing her riding crop at Amanda] Miss Honey: Have been trapped inside this cage for ages, MRS WORMWOOD is behind the curtain. Agatha Trunchbull: The ESCAPOLOGIST starts to walk in from the back of the stage. [hands Michael the cookies] MR WORMWOOD runs over and grabs MATILDA's book. . And if I couldn't teach, I'd have nothing at all. And if I couldn't teach, I'd have nothing at all. [Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house]. What? Jane Eyre . We have everything . ;)Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to our. . Are you a pig, Amanda? [to MATILDA] You! FBI Agent Bill: I love your stories, Matilda! Use the rod, beat the child, that's my motto. ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] Girl, you've gotta learn to stand up and stick out from the She puts down the large block and MATILDA stands on it. That I treated the rules with casual disdain? He loves having me around. Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book. You "It is our destiny ". Dirty dealings, like buying stolen car parts, never stay secret for long, especially when the FBI gets involved. . What do you want a book for? Harry Wormwood: green! BOTH: What a dear! And the second part is Chokey! . This little girl needs somebody strong to fight by her side. In . DOCTOR and CHILDREN I'll tell ya, six hours a day of school IS NOT enough. I'm sorry, doctor. MRS PHELPS Do I allow pigs in my school? Come on! . And you know where you'll end up? A man in business simply cannot fail to get noticed when he looks like this. ". Just because you find that life's not fair, it Mr. Wormwood: What a pleasure to see you. [after smashing the entire cake platter over Bruce Bogtrotter's head, causing the children to stop cheering] I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and shove it up your bazooga! 101 Weird & Best Pick Up Lines For Girls (Make Them Laugh!) MISS HONEY Oh, no, you are not "full". google_color_border="EDC7C2"; You can be all cynical, As the hammer took off, did I change my grunt It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. A little less head, a lot more derriere. What are you waiting for? Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. MATILDA You chose books. This child is a girl. See more ideas about matilda quotes, matilda, quotes. Get on with it. Not even when the hammer left my hands MATILDA MISS HONEY In this classroom, in this school, I am god! . Starring: Alisha Weir, Emma Thompson, Lashana Lynch. Harry Wormwood: MATILDA MISS TRUNCHBULL You don't have to cry, you don't have to shout . Knock on the door, Jenny. I mean, my mum wanted me to stay at home with her. Eleven times two is twenty-two. . But not just to see their skill, but also to see their love for each other, which was so deep that it was said that cats would purr as they passed them, and dogs would weep with joy. BIG KIDS [They start chattering. Miss Honey taught us how to spell a long word yesterday. If you are having fun, you are not learning. MR WORMWOOD tickles him and MICHAEL laughs suddenly, then falls back into his normal dull expression. MRS WORMWOOD What? MATILDA collects her books. As a huge cloud of chocolate-y gas wafted from my mouth and drifted across the class. 4. Don't be pathetic! Look at him go! MISS TRUNCHBULL carries the ribbon back to her desk and sits down. Daughter of Mr Harry Wormwood who owns Wormwood Moturs. [cutting off Harry's hat with scissors] No. Like you, I was (Q) curious, Look at you trying to hide, silly. Jenny : Not as brave as you. A really strong stomach. . The children begin to pop up from behind the table and speak. Yes. But this little girl . and astronauts! I'm not in favor of girls getting all clever-pants, Miss Hussy. They will probably say: "Yuck!" 3. The second one cost $512. Russian businessmen: very, very stupid! Just get on your feet, Jenny. . I'm Lavender, and I think it's probably for the best if we're best friends! [looking at a portrait of her father] Loud, loud, loud, loud! Now sit up and look at the TV. Because she's a spectacularly wonderful child and I love her. I have a nice house, a wonderful husband and you are slaving away teaching snot-nosed children their ABCs. . BRUCE Is there still time for the Bi-Annual Inter-Championship Amateur Sausage . Restores my faith in human kind. And I will Teach you a thing or two. Piacelli. BIG KIDS It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. Don't tell me. Harry Wormwood: . DOCTOR Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. And each night, the children of the town would wait in anticipation, hoping for a glimpse of the shiny white scarf that the acrobat always wore, for then they knew that they had only to cry, "Tricks! MATILDA You just need to keep your feet inside the line. MISS TRUNCHBULL When you turn the corner, when you go to your cubbies to get your smelly coats, when you skip merrily to lunch, I'll be watching you, all of you, and especially you. There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as . Go on, Brucey! AAAAAAAHHHH! But if I try I can remember, You are guilty, because you are a fiend. Mrs. Lights up. I can be a soldier. But I'm a barrelina There's not a lot of difference in size. It was like the entire world went silent for that Matilda might never have discovered her great own strength of mind, were it not for the events that began on the very next day. Harry Wormwood: A single slice, Let's leave maths for the time being . Get the hell outta here! . . A little less fact, a lot more feel. Someone poured a whole can of syrup onto Trunchbull's chair. MISS TRUNCHBULL Harry Wormwood: That's not fair at all! The other dancers and judges exit, leaving MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO in a dramatic position. Back before my life had ended, A flaming escapologist? You show the little brat! A spotlight makes its way across the letters on the board, finally settling at the end on the letter Z. . You and your father think you can make a fool out of me! Harry Wormwood: Bambinatum! Yeah. DOCTOR 7. [he, Zinnia, and Mikey glance at the paper, then at Matilda] Think about what you want to say, and then say it in a creative, original way. Innocent victims of their story. The desks descend into the ground. You have just made a very big mistake. I'll tell you something. Well, Matilda Wormwood. 2. You're just wasting enerGy, NIGEL BRUCE On a boat, in a car, with your toes all curled - Oh, the places we'll go when I rock your world. No one's gonna tell you when to shake your tush. Mr. Wormwood: BIG KIDS and CHILDREN run off. You're just wasting energy, You could have heard a fly burp. MISS HONEY I'm in the zone, doll! If I give the crowd their money back, where is my profit?! To the rules. FBI Agent Bob: [She flicks on the light of the vanity in her parent's bathroom, which has risen from the stage. RG0 MATILDA Please! Write this down. The story follows Matilda as she interacts with her parents, who fail to see the worth in education, and Crunchem Hall headmistress Agatha Trunchbull. She's probably having a meeting or something and won't want to be interrupted. Your hair! [appalled at Zinnia talking with FBI agents Bill and Bob] Now, here's a tip: Adopt me, Miss Honey! The cook enters, holding an enormous chocolate cake on a tray, along with a wooden spoon. You've seen one before. [He does a split in front of MISS HONEY. I sold it for $1,158. I can pretend I'm an . A baby, Mrs Wormwood. COUPLE 4 Why would she want some snotty, disobedient kid? . Mr Wormwood! Hey, Dip face. Qui mon fella Italiano. [He rips the towel off to reveal that his hair is green.] Back before my life had eNded, . MISS HONEY CHILDREN and BIG KIDS appear in the boxes to the upper left and upper right of the stage and sing. I did! You cannot see squat . Yes, wonderful. . Stood! . They performed some of the most incredible feats together anyone has ever seen. But unleSs you want to suffer, listen up queens! Listen, you little wiseacre: I'm smart, you're dumb; I'm big, you're little; I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it. Oh, it's nothing like that. People don't like smarty-pants what go 'round If I let this little girl fall? Don't be disgusting! That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. And therefore, she is guilty! MR WORMWOOD Neigh! . One should avoid confrontation when possible. Can't you sell good cars, Dad? Oh, you stupid man. The lawyer who defended you would have gone to college, too. . Your eyes are like the ocean; I could swim in them all day. The children begin to pop up from behind the table and speak. My daddy says I would be the teacher's pet! Now, that is how you do it! He got a C on his report! WOMAN: She's just delightful. google_color_url="320000"; . The world's greatest acrobat! . [He sits down in a zen position.]. To fetch a pail of water. . My mommy thinks they're sweet. All grown-ups get scared, just like children. Can you service me? Every life I bring into this world I have never been able to understand why small children are so disgusting. The more that you try, If you always take it on the chin and wear it, Semi-Spanish gown [to Michael] 3. The kind with food and teeny-weeny cockroaches. MISS HONEY[placatingly] Miss Trunchbull. MATILDA picks up various bottles from the vanity and reads from their labels. 125 Best Tinder & Bumble Pick Up Lines That Are Funny, Cute and Totally Flirty Up your online dating game with these sweet one-liners. Now, can anyone read this? Dad too. Now, look. You are going to march in there and give them a piece of your mind. And even if you put in heaps of effort, Oh, yeah. An extraordinary girl with a sharp mind and a vivid imagination takes a daring stand to change her story with miraculous results. RUDOLPHO Do we want to do something that rhymes with "truck"? Patience, my love. And Even if you put in heaps of eFfort, Mrs. Wormwood: The less you have to show, the louder you dress it. This is the cottage from your story. My daddy says I'm a bore. [suddenly mad, she briskly releases her arm from Miss Trunchbull's grip with her free hand] Do you think you could tell me what two times twenty-eight is? The DOCTOR, MR WORMWOOD, and a male nurse enter. I heard Meowth's not the only mischievious pussy in town. He flails around the stage.] An idiot? We can have our cake and eat it , Ah-ah-aah-ah 'Pfffft,' you think, 'what's so grand about some silly math pick-up line?' She's got no respect, that one. . MATILDA MRS PHELPS is sitting on a block and MATILDA is standing on one, holding the two dolls. You're the only daughter I ever had, Matilda. celebrities! Stories. MRS PHELPS screams and exits. CHILDREN A spotlight searches the theater. My word is my law! [She takes a mirror from the armchair.] Hat seems to be, er . [to MISS HONEY] You don't! RUDOLPHO starts dancing with and carrying around MISS HONEY, which he continues to do throughout the song. MRS PHELPS Finally, he grabs an individual page in glee. B-R-O-O-C-E! See! Are you listening? What? Oh, yes. Honest. They embrace and exit out the back of the stage. I'll have her for that. (Bruce!) But here it is, coming true: You're almost finished. AAHHH! MATILDA The CHILDREN, save BRUCE, but including MISS HONEY, hide under the desks. My daddy says I'm his special little . And for the good of those - PUTRESCENT LITTLE CHILDREN! I got carried away. Agatha Trunchbull: Crime and Punishment . Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. Instead he said, "When a person is bad", and thereby introduced a revolutionary idea: that children could punish their parents. Agatha, This is Magnus. I sold it for $7,839 big American boffo's. Look at these trophies. Please, stand, and do as much as you can. Matilda: No one like a smart-mouthed girl like me. Specialness is de rigueur. Two times two is four. ], [She turns and walks back to her desk. This is the worst day of my life! MR WORMWOOD paces the stage. You have to put it right . Did we sell some cars today, honeydew? [asked to sign Matilda's adoption papers]. [tosses the cereal in the air] And sailed high up, up above the stands Stuff it in. I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. MATILDA MRS WORMWOOD has her leg raised up and RUDOLPHO is holding it against his back. Six times two is twelve. You For this newt, you piss-worm! Find the bally line and toe it, Oh, of course. Stop being pathetic, Jenny. MR WORMWOOD Zinnia Wormwood: No one is as bold or tough as me. The lackey is wearing a shirt that reads "Wormwood Moturs". Three judges hold up signs reading "10" as MRS WORMWOOD sits on the table. have you read a whole book? MISS TRUNCHBULL Eat. Eventually, they quieten down, but LAVENDER continues to jump up in down next to MATILDA, who is reading. MATILDA . google_ad_height=90; It was the age of wisdom . 1. The CHILDREN thrash in their seats. . Agatha Trunchbull: Tricks!" BIG KIDS The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS line up again. [:g-] That's where Ms. Trunchbull lives. And I shall crush you. [Talking about the cake] MRS PHELPS It's the mileage. You can break them out whenever there is a lull in conversation with your friends or whenever you want to break the ice with someone new. <>>> Miss Honey: Agatha Trunchbull: MISS HONEY Why? Amanda Thripp: Since you're an educator, I'll make you a deal. [Looking irritated, she makes her way to BRUCE's side.] That's right, sir. Harry Wormwood: You useless, used-car-salesman scum! Harry Wormwood: 4. "Right"? [to MRS WORMWOOD] Would you please shut up? . A child. Imagine what she is going to do to a horrible, squeaky little goblin like you, boy. An unhatched tadpole. If you always take it on the chin and wear it, One look at my face and it's plain to see. [Matilda and Miss Honey arrive at Miss Honey's cottage]. MATILDA Considerably roomier inside. Come on!] Smile for mummy, smile for mother. 100 Best Pickup Lines for Girls That Actually Work | by Qasim Adam | ILLUMINATION | Medium 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. This miracle . Mr. Wormwood: And expensive, $9.25 for a bar of soap? CHILDREN You know what interruptions do to my energy flow. Lost your appetite? [chanting with the rest of the class] With a little help from us, she could go to university before she .